In the Boat

I was angry that you were asleep on the boat,
As the waves came crashing,
I didn’t dare rouse you,
But clung to the side,
Eyes closed, rocked and tossed,
Trying not to be sick.

Yes, even the wind and waves obey you,
So, were they obeying you then?
As we tossed and turned and held on for dear life?
How do I know what your will was?
I could not even look at you never mind speak,
Who knows what difference it would have made if I had?

A some point you roused, I imagine,
Gradually you calmed the storm, anyway,
Though not without sending some big aftershocks.
So I remained braced,
Fearful of what may still be to come.
At some point I stumbled up and threw up over the side,
Glancing at you as I went,
Now awake and calmly looking kindly at me.

Oh yes, your refiners fire purifies,
But it burns and scalds and pains,
And if all I learnt was how to hold on for dear life
I’m not sure why you put me in for that test.

I don’t quite know how I got from there to here,
But gradually I reminded myself how to trust again.
The storm did calm and we did get to shore,
My sea legs still wobbly, I sat down with you
And ate the fish you offered,
And grudgingly forgave you…

I never got to walk on the water,
I only got to stay in the boat with you.
It was all I could do.
I’m sorry.

© 2020 EC – Church Family Member – Published by All Saints Church with Permission

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